A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the
first gun shot."
The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the
ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one that's
gobbled down the top and sucking the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding
ring on,... but I like your thinking."
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Math Class
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
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English
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!"
Miss Rogers: "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".
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Grammar
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this
situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word
'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
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Beautiful
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my
mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on Mikey. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Mikey!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table,
my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just
fucking beautiful!'