SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year,
the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same
urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW (big mouth woman)?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you
sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the
Sex Ed class uses it.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They
named him "Sum Ting Wong."
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other? A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast? They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A
southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe."
How do you get a sweet littl e 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get
another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the
good rides.