On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink:
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray:
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer:
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO
ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids:
* LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE
PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT.
WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES,
KEEP QUIET.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles:
OPEN OTHER END.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins:
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of Fritos:
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS
INSIDE.
On a bar of Dial soap:
DIRECTIONS: USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
* DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
On a Korean kitchen knife:
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
On a Japanese food processor:
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
INSTRUCTIONS: OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
On a child's superman costume:
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
And finally, on the packet containing a Chinese tin opener:
SIMILAR TO ITEMS SEEN ON TV!