Q. What did God say after creating man?
A. I can do better than this
Q. Why are men like laxatives?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
Q. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to
put in it?
A. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Q. How do you keep a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head.
Q. What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
A. I don't know, I've never seen either one.
Q. What do you call a man with half a brain?
A. Gifted.
Q. What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A. A mans undivided attention.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on first-name basis with the person who
makes all the decisions.
Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable."
Q. Why did God create man?
A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q. Why do men love computers?
A. No matter what mood they are in, they can still get a floppy in.
Q. How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Four. One to actually change it, and 3 friends to brag about how he screwed it.
Q. How many men does it take to replace a roll of toilet paper?
A. No one knows....It's never happened.
Q. How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
A. In real life men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. How does a man show he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. What makes a man chase women he has no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
Q. How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
A. At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Q. Why do bachelors like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half
the time.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it gets interesting, they're finished until next time.
Q. How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
A. We cook/they eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. How do men exercise at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six-pack.
Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for
directions.