"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly
in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic?
Do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
--Rita Mae Brown
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
--Dick Cavett
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
--Rita Rudner
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go! You get past
me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off! I've got the
toe clippers right here!' "
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow
learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?"
--Marilyn Pittman
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast."
--Johnathan Katz