TO: All employees
From: Management
SUBJECT: Special high Intensity Training
In order to ensure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not get your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will immediately be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in the Departmental Employee Evaluation Program (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go on the Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in the job of training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for a promotion to Director of Intensity Programs (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please direct them to our Head of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Thank You,
Boss in General
Special High Intensity Training.
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)